“Just saying yes because you cant bear the short-term pain of saying no is not going to help you do the work”, said Seth Godin, an American author and former dot com business executive.
That’s a statement I totally agree with. Not saying no even at times when you should, would just make things harder for you. You might have already gone through a lot of trouble just because you said yes. Right? Maybe you yearned to say no . But ultimately gave in , because of the teeny-weeny voice inside your mind. It made you believe that if you say no, others will perceive you as a selfish-giant.
But have being a yeasayer done you any good?
Remember the number of weekends you lost and the uncomfortable situations you have faced already. All because you said were not able to utter the word “no”.
Imagine an alternate reality. There you are not a yeasayer. You refuse to do things that are not in your best interests. Isn’t your life a bit easier there?
The truth is, your life can actually be like that (if that’s what you truly want). Being acquiescent is just a habit , which can be overcome with a little bit of effort on your side. Why am i so confident about it? Because i was an yeasayer myself.
I used to say yes to almost anything ( no not “anything”) and my peers liked me for that because i was helpful to them but this reason was not worth enough for me to continue being a yeasayer.
Every time I promised myself that, this is gonna be the last time I am giving in so easily. But those promises were not respected enough. And that’s why I always ended up in an uncomfortable situation.
But something happened then. It was a Sunday afternoon, and as usual i was reading a novel . the protagonist of the story had just leaned to kiss his gorgeous princess and right then , my pants started vibrating, oh wait it was my phone. I had earlier set it on vibration mode.
I picked up the call. My friend Arnav was on the other side (who was working on a project with me).Before i could have uttered a single word, he asked me the cruelest question a friend can ask you. He asked me whether I can do his part of the work as he was planning to go on a vacation trip to Bali. Why Arnav , how could you ask such a question? But regardless of how deeply I desired to say no ,I said yes A.G.A.I.N.
Arnav was ,obviously , overjoyed but I was not happy at all. This one yes was going to cost me my weekends. I thought about this for hours.I wanted to call him up and say “I cant do it” but he was one of my closest friends and i really didn’t want to lose his friendship. But I had to say no. I couldn’t let this happen to me over and over again, Right?
So, I gathered up all my courage and called him up. As the phone was ringing , I thought about the numerous consequences this call can have, and all bad. But when the call was finally picked up, I told him as politely as i could have that,”See brother , I know I have said yes to you earlier but when I gave it a second thought I realized I really cant help you , its a lot of work for me to do alone” , I waited for him to hang up the call or get angry t me, but the response I got was totally different, he just said,” Its totally fine brother, I will go next summer”.
That was the time when I realized that the only barrier that was stopping me from saying no was my mind. So, the only thing I had to do was overcome the mental barriers. Sounds easy right? I thought the same but unfortunately its not THAT easy.
I googled for ways and I found many but I was too lazy to put any of them to action. Then I bought a book called The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane and there I stumbled across many ways to overcome mental barriers and those were the ones I tried myself (as the book cost me money) . Among those I found a really interesting method that you can perform and experience the change almost immediately.Its caled the Responsibility Transfer.
What you have to do in this method is:
- First close your eyes and take two deep breaths.
- Then visualize an entity you believe in. It can be God or the universe or any other entity.
- Now visualize lifting your stress, tension nervousness and the consequences of your actions.
- Now handover all that to that entity.
When i tried this visualization i felt a great relief like i was carrying one of those barrels of wine and now I have handed it over to someone who will securely take the barrel where it is meant to be.
This method works as a placebo effect. A placebo is an inert treatment that has no effect of itself but the person on whom it is used believes that they have received a true treatment and their brains release a natural painkiller.
Responsibility transfer gives immediate results but the effect stays for a short period of time only.
Now you are well equipped to overcome your mental barriers. “Love yourself enough to set boundaries.Your time and energy are precious.You get to choose how you use it.You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and wont accept.” said Anna Taylor, renowned author from New Zealand .So from next time, refuse anyone who dosen’t have your best interests in mind.
Friendly Friend 